Kids are F’ing Weird part 2

So today after school I did what I usually do. I take the kids’ lunch bags, open them up to see what’s left and take the empty containers out to wash. Upon first inspection it appeared Parker didn’t eat her apple sauce. No big deal, rarely does a day go by that one or both of the kids don’t eat something we put in their lunches.  So I grab the pouch out of the bag….HMMMM

Does it look full??


Looks full right?  Wrong Brother!!.


EMPTY!!  She actually took the time to eat her Apple sauce, re-inflate the pouch at some point, and carefully put the lid back on for the trip home.

Kids are F’ing Weird

But as they say…the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Advertisements

Parker’s First Concert or “Kids are F’ing Weird”

So this past weekend I decided to surprise my youngest daughter to a live concert.  I’m a very musical person, I’ve sang my whole life, play guitar, played some tenor sax in Highschool Jazz Band, constantly have music on at home, all types (except Rap and Dance..yuck) Naturally my kids have picked up some of my musical love over the past few years.  In particular we’re talking about Parker in this story.  She watches Treehouse a lot when we do have TV on so she’s become quite enamored with the group Splash N’ Boots who seem to be on there a lot.  In case you don’t know who they are here’s the description from their website

Splash’N Boots was started as a class project at Queens University, in Kingston Ontario…After their first show (which had an audience of two people one of which was Boots’ Dad) they decided to take Splash’N Boots fulltime! Since then they have released 9 albums and 3 DVDs, have traveled across the world performing live shows, and live in their Big Yellow Boot on Treehouse TV!

I have to admit, they are fun to watch…Splash (the dude) is quite the musician and he’s also very funny.  And Boots?  Well she’s just a ball of energy…seriously I don’t know how she does it but it’s something to witness, I feel like I need a nap after watching her.  Also, if I can take off my “Dad Hat” for a minute and don my “Dude hat” for a minute, no disrespect, she’s kind of easy on the eyes too. (Sorry Splash, she’s just cuter than you)

Splash’N Boots

Anyway to continue the story.  Parker was very excited to go, had an outfit picked out (Yellow and Blue of course) and she kept bugging me asking if it was time to leave “Can we go dad” “Can we go now” “is it time yet” and on and on.  Finally the time came, we put on our shoes and coats, loaded into the car and went down to the show.  I was a bit excited too, both to see Parker’s reaction to seeing her favourite Treehouse duo live and in person, and because I love live music of any kind.

We arrive at the theatre that’s packed with kids, parents, grandparents.  Seriously I haven’t seen that many kids in one place outside of the girls’ school.  We check our coats, grab a booster seat and head inside.  First the obligatory photo with the blow up sign in the lobby. IMG_1880Aww look at her little face.  She’s so excited.  Rightfully so I’d have to say, I loved going to shows with my parents when I was a kid.  We then go inside the theatre to find our seats and wait for the show to start.  She starts again with the “Where’s Splash’N Boots Dad” “when’s it start” etc thing again, obviously excited.  To eat up some time we took a couple of selfies with my phone.  IMG_1881Aren’t we cute.  Please excuse the creepy mustache, I don’t usually have that on my face.  Usually I’m more of a nicely trimmed beard guy.  It’s there because I’m trying to raise money for Movember…to which you can donate to me HERE  (hint hint).

The show finally starts.  They enter from the rear of the theatre and come up the aisles singing and dancing away.  Parker was thrilled to be given a very enthusiastic High 5 from Boots as she passed.  Her little face lit right up and she was all smiles.  And then things kind of changed…in a 180 degrees kind of way.  I don’t know why, whether it was the volume or the noise of the crowd, the darkened room, the lights, if she was hungry, or tired or what, but her attitude changed completely..”Dad is it done” “Dad can we go now”  I explained we would leave when the show was over.  She got whiny and clingy.  Occasionally participating in the songs but for the most part after every single song finished she would ask if the show was done.  Poor kid, she was so looking forward to this and now she was acting like I was forcing her to watch documentaries.  I just kept telling myself “she’s only 3, she’s only 3” but I was kind of annoyed.  Like come on kid, Dad paid good money for these tickets and you don’t appear to be having any fun at all.  Grr.

The show was great too, they sang and danced, got the audience involved, Splash was Hilarious, and even threw in some Audience participation for the grown ups “If I had a million dollars” was a big hit.  Still through it all Parker continued with the whining and crying and kept asking to leave.  I should probably add that she wasn’t the only one who was crying, but there weren’t many.  I don’t get how a kid can go from excited to wanting to go in a nanosecond.  Kids are F*&@ing weird.  Can 3 year olds be Bi-polar?

The one bright side was after the show they did a little meet and greet where you could get a picture taken with them.  That Parker was up for.

IMG_1890“dad she held my hand” “dad she was so cool”…What?!? seriously?  Just spent almost the entire show asking if it was done, if we can go, is it over yet?

I will never understand women, and 3 year old women are even worse.

Winning at This Dad thing

Geeky Dad is WINNING!!
 
Ya..I know I know that is a very bold statement but some things are developing that are showing me that the proverbial apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Before I go on I want it noted that I have not pushed or exposed my kids to anything other than what is incidental to every day life.  I’m not like that…they’re free to make their own decisions (even though they’re 3 and 5) about what they want to watch.
 
The first thing I’m going to talk about is Looney Tunes.  Its no mystery that I love me some Bugs, Daffy, Sylvester, Tweety, Foghorn Leghorn and all their friends.  I’m not talking about the watered down new stuff you’re seening on teletoon these days.  I’m talking the pre-1970’s stuff that still has all the same violence and mayhem that I enjoyed as a kid.  Well here there’s a channel called “Teletoon Retro” that shows all the older cartoons from my youth and then some…well every once in a while I would turn it on and have me a little bugs and show my kids what cartoons were like when I was their age…well, it wasn’t long before they started to ask for “Bugs Bunny”.  So then I thought…Why not try other cartoons.
 
On Netflix they had a few seasons of “Scooby-Doo – Where are you?” so I thought “hey..why not give this a try”  So I threw one on and they loved it.  Again they kept asking for more more more.  To the point where at Christmas time one of their grandparents found a box set of “the New Scooby-Doo Movies” featuring such talents as Don Knotts, Jonathan Winters, Laurel and Hardy, The Three Stooges and others.  Once again, rarely does a day go by that they don’t ask to watch one of these disks. My eldest is particularly enamoured with the ones with Batman and Robin.  Who can blame her right?
 
So I continued on.  My youngest (Named Parker both because I love Spider-man and my wife wouldn’t go for Leia or Padme) Seemed to be interested in some of the Pictures of superheros I have…she’s learned names like The Hulk, Wolverine, Storm, and, of course, Spider-Man.  So once I saw that Netflix had “Spider-man and his Amazing Friends” (1981) Again I thought I’d give it a try and my little Parker didn’t disappoint.  We watched and entire season in an afternoon and she was still asking for more.  Now my kids run around pretending to be Firestar and want daddy to be Iceman…which I kindly oblige.  Parker is kind of partial to spidey…as you can see.
 
When I decided to be a dad I had hoped I’d be able to instill many of the values and outlooks I have in my life…and maybe, just maybe a few of the interests.  But so far..this has gone beyond what I had hoped for.  I can’t wait to see what the future brings.
 
 
MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU

I’m a Gen Xer…Holy F#&*

I am a Gen Xer. 
 
Sometimes in the early mornings in my daily shower I get reflective about things.  This morning I found my mind wandering to the subject of my life, my generation and all the incredible things that have happened in just my short time on this planet.
 
First off…lets get the definition crap out of the way for those reading who have no idea.  I stole this from Wikipedia..read the entire article HERE
 
Gen X is the generation born after the Western post–World War II baby boom describing a generational change from the Baby Boomers.  In a 2012 article for the Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University, George Masnick wrote that the “Census counted 82.1 million” Gen Xers in the U.S. The Harvard Center uses 1965 to 1984 to define Gen X.

Gen Xers are often called the MTV Generation. They experienced the emergence of music videos, new wave music, electronic music, synthpop, glam rock, heavy metal and the spin-off glam metal, punk rock and the spin-off pop punk, alternative rock, grunge, and hip hop.

Compared with previous generations, Generation X represents a more apparently heterogeneous generation, openly acknowledging and embracing social diversity in terms of such characteristics as race, class, religion, ethnicity, culture, language, gender identity, and sexual orientation. 

You’re welcome.
 
So I was born in the mid 70s, smack dab in the middle of Gen X So I was thinking of some of the stuff that I’ve experienced and things that have changed in my short life..here’s a (perhaps not so) brief list

GEEKY TYPE THINGS

THE EVOLUTION OF PHONE TECH – In my life I’ve talked on a roatary dial phone, punched keys on a touch tone phone, owned early cell phones (motorola bag phone anyone?) late 90’s motorola flip phones, Palm Treo, Blackberry, to my current iPhone.  I’ve seen the invent of cell phone technology, text messaging and smart phones..all in less than 40 years.

VIDEO GAMES – So here’s the short list of consoles I have personally owned.  Atari 2600, NES, SNES, N64, Wii, Xbox, Xbox360, XboxOne.  Thats not to mention all the ones I haven’t owned, Playstation 1, 2 3 and 4, Sega Genesis, Turbografix 16, Atari Jaguar, and a whole bunch of others I’m not mentioning.  That’s not to mention the handheld consoles too, gameboy, gamegear, PSP, Nintendo DS, DSI, 3DS.  Graphics from simple squares to 8 bit Super Mario bouncing across my screen for hours on end to the hi res 3D graphics of the current consoles.  I also remember dropping quarters into arcade games as a kid, One game I can remember loving was Rampage.  Anyone else remember this one?

STAR WARS – There has literally not been a time that I can remember in my entire life that Star Wars didn’t exist.  I have always had a healthy obsession with this (see my other blog posts, you’ll figure it out quickly)  This movie changed the way movies are made and set the bar for visual effects and sound design.  Even today, ILM and Skywalker Sound (If you didn’t know are the result of the direct success of George Lucas and the Star Wars franchise)are the Hollywood standard for sound and CGI Effects in movies.

THE INTERNET – Could you imagine what the world would be like today if the internet didn’t exist.  I lived in that world..up until highschool.  I still remember a bunch of us being herded into the school library and shown this wonderful thing called the internet.  Back then it was all text based and dialup.  I went to a rural highschool so we had to dial into the most local University to get access to it.  After highschool I went to college and was introduced to the world wide web and Netscape Navigator.  After that it continued to evolve…websites for everything, social networking, blogging, twitter, Facebook, the list goes on and on.

WORLD EVENTS

 
Looking back there has been a lot of stuff happen in the world during my lifetime.  Here are a few highlights in no particular order…actually there is an order…of when I remember them
 
  • Princess Diana was married and then buried
  • Challenger space shuttle explosion
  • Fall of the Berlin Wall
  • Chernobyl Disaster (Same year as the Challenger, yay 1986)
  • The Gulf War
  • Collapse of the Soviet Union
  • OJ Simpson Murders and Trial
  • 9-11
  • 5 Catholic Popes
  • Hurricane Katrina
  • Death of Michael Jackson
  • Tiananmen Square
  • Hong Kong Handover
  • Y2K
  • San Francisco Earthquake
  • Toronto Blue Jays World Series Champions 2 years in a row
  • Toronto Maple Leafs Stanly Cup Champs not at all
I realize that there is so much more that I haven’t mentioned.  Comment below some of your favourite developments of the last 40 years or so

 

MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?

I’m starting to get older.  There’s no denying it, it happens to everyone, the grey hairs on my chin and head reminds me of this fact every time I glance at the mirror.  


Lately though there’s been several things that I have been noticing from day to day.  These things are really starting to get on my nerves.  Call it old age (I’m only late 30’s but still) call it intolerance, call it being a giant douche, call it whatever you want to really.  But there are things that I see, on people’s facebook posts, other social network feeds, TV, movies, the way people talk, and all kinds of other places that when they do it I die a little inside.  So, as a way to vent, here’s my post (possibly the first of several) of “WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS”.

1. the “Everything you post is about me” People

Even though this one isn’t a big one for me, I figured I’d cover this one first because a link to this blog entry will most likely go to my facebook and I want this out right of the hop.  OK…we all have that one “friend on Facebook” or maybe you have 2 or more…You know…you post something that annoys you or something you heard about someone else doing or just a general status about anything that could be perceived as “controversial”.  And that “friend” automatically assumes the post is about them.  you could have 12,861 friends you COULD be talking about but of course…because this person is so self absorbed they think you MUST be talking about them.  Ugh…OK..so let me set the record straight right now for everyone with a facebook page being monitored by this self-involved-self-important-delusions-of-grandeur person on your friends list.  Dear Mr Prince/Ms Princess of the kingdom of “GETOVERYOURSELF”  If we choose to post something on our own personal Facebook Page, it is not, repeat IS NOT necessarily about you..or anyone for that matter..and…with the number of friends most of us have, it’s DEFINITELY NOT about you.  I have had instances with a couple of these “friends” who made it necessary for me to basically say, for the umpteenth time “no it’s not  you…no its not about you…it is my facebook..I will post what I want about what I want when I want…if this is going to cause you to get stressed out and think it’s all meant for you…then by all means…unfriend me..do whatever..I DO NOT CARE”  They did unfriend me…almost every time, thankfully, major weight off.  SO…if you are one of these people who think everything I write or post is about you, it’s about to get real…so it’s probably best if you stop reading when you see the meerkat.

.
.
.
.
.
ok then…moving on
  
2. The  word “BAE”
This is a word that I’ve seen pop up a lot lately all over the internet..usually by fairly young pretty people.  From what I’ve read it basically mean “baby” or “sweetie” so I guess it’s just a lazy way to say baby??  I wasn’t aware we were rationing syllables but young people seem to be in such a hurry these days that two syllables are just too many I guess.  Now I could say all kinds of things about these people but I don’t have to..tuns out..the word “BAE” is an actual word…in Danish……for POOP.  Jokes on you internet and every stupid person who uses this shitty word (see what I did there?) 
3. Duckface
Ok..need I say more? it’s not cute or attractive. You look like someone took your photo at the precise moment the clot came free and entered your brain. 
4. These Fucking things

I mean what…in…the…actual…hell??? Who finds this look attractive?  I mean if you’re a jaguar …maybe but come on..not pretty, not functional, just dumb.

And while we’re on the subject.  All claw hand photos of your freshly painted nails.  Nobody cares. Gears…ground.





5. Bad Grammar

I’m going to preface this so I don’t sound like a pretentious douche.  In grade school I had at least two teachers who were big on grammar.  Always were on my ass about their, they’re or there…your and you’re…the list goes on.  So now when I see someone comment on a social post with “your cute” i shudder.  When I tell someone something and they say “I no” I tear up a little.  When someone says “I seen that the other day” I slam my face down on my desk.  Seriously?  Have none of you gone to school?  Ok..to help you loyal reader here’s a quick list

hear – is when you use your ears to detect sound
here – is when you use your feet and are taking up some ground
there – is like here but just a bit further from you
their – means that spot over there..belongs to them
they’re – is actually two words…they are…crazy right?
your – something belong’s to you
you’re – two words again..you guessed it…you are
are – as in “you are reading this”
our – as in “this is our meatball”
seen – is something that happens when eyeballs are on you
saw – is something that happens when you are the eyeballs

Grind away gears…grind away.

6. Uptalk

You know..that person? who talks as if everything they say? is a question?

wow…this is a long post..ok..So I guess I better end there.  So in closing let me just say…everything I write is satire..don’t be so uppity.  If you don’t like it, then that just means I’m funnier than you…and maybe even better looking.  Just remember people, don’t take life too seriously..you’ll never get out alive.

MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Premiere

Ok. I feel I have to chime in a bit. I JUST watched the premiere of “Agents” and while I thought it was a solid first episode I do feel the need to chime in a couple of things I noticed. 


Coulson 
Ok. He’s back. They faked his death or whatever. I figured that out when I saw the promos. But this whole “he never should find out” thing. Lame. The show would be ok without it. 

Agent Grant Ward
Or, more specifically the actor that plays him, Brett Dalton. Horrible actor. Ugh. Hope he gets some acting lessons before he goes and ruins the show. 

References to every movie Marvel has made…like ever!!
Ok kids. Let’s count. Tell me if I missed anything. Ahem
New York
Stark tower 
Gamma
The Chitauri
Super soldier serum
Agent Romanoff
The Spider-Man esque way buddy climbed the building 
Mention of Thor’s arms
Mention of Loki
Exremis
And even used the train station the final scenes is the same station that gets a new sunroof thanks to Cyclops’ laser vision  in the very first Xmen movie. I’m sure there was more. This is just off the top of my head. 

Yes. We get it Joss. This series is set firmly in the Marvel universe. No need to ram it down our throats. 

All that said. I’ll be watching. For sure


MAY THE FARCE BE WITH YOU