Classy…Like a Bruin

Let me start of this post with a few facts about me that you may or may not know.

I am a Hockey fan, I am a proud Canadian, I also like beer.

I’m also a Toronto Maple Leafs fan (stop laughing… seriously…stop…please…I get it all the time) I have always been and always will be.  As such there are several teams who I absolutely hate. The Montreal Canadiens, the Ottawa Senators and of course I’ve never been a fan of the Boston Bruins. 

I think my hate for the Bruins comes from 9th grade, when I was locker neighbours with a guy who was a huge fan and was the most obnoxious person in the whole school.  I mean nobody liked this guy, and I had to put up with his incessant rambling on and on about the Bruins.  In the years following I have noticed that most fans of the Bruins are like this…it’s not their fault, it’s the team.

Anyway.. in an article today in the Toronto Star today talked about how Bruins goalie Tim Thomas Refused to attend a visit with the president of the USA because he disagreed with his policies etc.  The entire article can be found here. To quote the article and old Tim-eh directly from a post on Facebook

“I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People. This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government. Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL. This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic. TT”

Really Tim?  Last I checked you played for a team, and in that spirit shouldn’t you have just laid down your stupid arrogant pride and just gone to the thing, sucked it up for the day then thrown up after and moved on?  You may not like it but it’s your team, you know the ones that stood in front of you and helped you earn that Stanley Cup Ring you’re wearing.  But Oh No.  That’s too good for you isn’t it.  Proving once again that every one of the Boston Goo-ins are as full of class as the people you see in their home game stands every night. 

Didn’t have a problem accepting a medal at the 2010 winter Olympics playing for the US now did ya Timmy?  Hmmm…interesting.  Maybe Obama should take that bad boy back, melt it down to make brass knuckles and beat  your ass with it.  “How do you like my policies now bitch”

So, needless to say I was very annoyed with this story…until I read this in the Star later in the day.  I’m going to re post this article in it’s entirety because it’s just awesome and basically sums up the feeling of every Bruins hater on the planet.

By Cathal Kelly

You won’t get the whole story on Tuesday night. Here’s the unexpurgated text of U.S. President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address, including the four minutes that’ll be missing at the end.
“… and if Syria doesn’t like that, wait until they see the next letter we send over.

Now I see that you’re all searching around for your drink tickets, but before we open the Congressional bar, I’d like in closing to direct a personal message to my good friend playing the hockey game, Tim Thomas.

Tim, I was saddened to have missed you on Monday. We had the jet and the rendition protocols and everything all set up for your arrival.

In between negotiating the world’s hot spots and trying to stave off economic ruin, I like to take 30 seconds for myself each day. Just to veg out. During that precious time, it was brought to my attention that you’re unhappy with the job I’m doing. Bummer. I admit it, I was a little put out, mainly because I don’t like having to answer “Who said what now?” over and over again to a whole bunch of questions from the press.

It got worse when I went off script and wondered aloud if you were “the Canadian kid with the concussion.” I hate it when they laugh at me, Tim.

But Tim, I want to assure you that the number of capital letters in your clarifying statement has impressed upon me how important your concerns are. I want to take some time here to address a few of the suggestions listed on the note attached to the rock you threw through the Oval Office window.
First, it is simply impractical to redraw the tax code every year by a show of hands. Washington is not as big as you seem to think, and your idea for ferrying every single American into the city on black helicopters won’t work. For the last time, there are no black helicopters. I know it’s old school, but we use wiretaps to keep tabs on you.

Second, I agree that property ownership is a keystone of civic responsibility, but I don’t think you’re going to get a lot of takers with your ‘Vacate public housing and move into our national parks’ campaign. What about the people who end up in Alaska? As I’ve noted, there are no black helicopters to get them up there. I’m also not sure how this fits in with your plan to outlaw pants on women. Won’t it be cold?

I don’t understand your idea for replacing our water supply with grain alcohol. I’m fuzzy on the science of your ‘poisoned fluoride’ theory, but I’m pretty sure that an entire nation that’s drunk after it’s taken a morning shower isn’t good for productivity.

You may be on to something with this national service brainwave, but the Joint Chiefs and I are leery of using recent high school graduates to launch a sneak attack during spring break in Pyongyang. Believe me, we war-gamed that idea over and over and it only ends one way — with a whole lot of angry bar owners in Palm Springs. I need Florida, Tim.

And while I understand that forcing everyone working in government to wear a white wig and dentures made of wood is a romantic reminder of the Founding Fathers, it’s just not workable given our current budget constraints. Do you know what dentists charge to rip out viable teeth, Tim? I was also shocked to hear the going rate for a full head of human hair. It’s a scandal, and one that I may address once I’ve taken care a bajillion more important things.

Whatever you think of me, you know I’m not one to shut down a healthy debate. It’s the life blood of the republic, I’d suggest, perhaps even more so than your suggestion to “add more banjo” to the national anthem.

However, I’m going to have to issue a flat ‘No’ when it comes to the idea of launching a nuclear attack on Canada “just to prove to the rest of them that we’re not chicken.”

We’re not chicken, Tim. Chicken’s the last thing we are.

But that won’t turn silver to gold, will it, Tim? No, it won’t. All it will do is dirty up a bunch of oil we’re probably going to need some day very soon. I asked the Delta Force guys tailing you to work the other day, “Say, what’s Tim driving?” And even all the way up in that helicopter, they were 100 per cent sure it wasn’t a Prius. So maybe there’s some wiggle room in your position here.

Tim, we’re not so far apart, you and I. We both care about America’s future, except your future is the one that happens after the Russians invade. I’m hoping for the other one.

I’d be happy to talk about this and more in greater depth in a place, as you suggest, “where the satellites can’t see us.” I’m not much of a woodsman, Tim, so I trust that “the pit” you’re referring to is where we cook our dinner, not some sort of trap. Does this meeting have to be in Idaho? And do I really have to approach your bunker “alone, on foot and naked?” Because Idaho’s a lost cause for me and I’d hoped to skip it during a busy electoral year.

Please know that I’m looking forward to further dialogue with you, Tim. If you need to contact me again just open your front door and wave a tea towel. The Secret Service will know what that means.
Bravo Mr Kelly…Bravo


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