Month: July 2010

And the Award for Father of the Year Goes To…

This Story is just plain-ass too funny for words

Picture this, you’re a 14-year-old girl who decides to go fishing with her family. Your dad hooks a mean as shit, mouth full of teeth, four-foot-long barracuda. As happens with some Barracudas, the “top-o-the-food-chain” fish doesn’t run. It instead jumps into your boat and latches its gaping maw onto the first thing it sees…namely you, and does this


Ouchie.

Chaos then ensues, as the family runs around the boat you’re on, trying to get away from the T-Rex of fish. Your brave daddy eventually kills it with a knife.  Family breathes a sigh of relief
 
You’re bleeding heavily. But before Daddy takes you to hospital, he makes you pose with him on the dock, while he holds up his trophy. Imagine Richard Dreyfuss as a 14-year-old girl, but if Jaws had chewed off his arm first.  This is possibly the Best pic Ever!!!


That’s not just physical pain. That’s seven years of teenage angst compressed into a single frame of digital awesomeness.  I would not want to pay for that girl’s therapy bills.  Bahahahahahahaha

Love it!!!

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My Heart Bleeds For Lindsay

OMG somebody get me a hanky.
So Aparently Lindsay Lohan has been placed in isolation following a “hysterical fit”.
It seems just a few days in to the two week stint of her 90 day sentance she’s broken down in tears, screaming at wardens, forcing them to take her away from other inmates.
One former inmate Cheryl Presser, 43, told the Daily Mirror newspaper: “She is in with the killers and she has only been let out for hour-long breaks, and during those she was locked down to a table.
“On Friday (23.07.10), Lindsay got put on lock-down. While some of us got two hours to go to the yard, or the TV room, Lindsay was on total lockdown.
“She had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling so she got put in isolation.”
Another former inmate claimed Lindsay was upset because other prisoners had been poking fun at her by calling her ‘Firecrotch’.
The source said: “She was just sitting in her cell staring straight ahead. Sometimes wailing, but mostly just sitting  “Some of the inmates in our ward, some of the tougher ones, were yelling ‘fire crotch’ at her.  “They just started chanting it at her. Lindsay didn’t say nothing. She was crying though.”
Cheryl also revealed that she has failed to win over other inmates because her constant crying keeps them awake at night.  She said: “The wards are cold and smelly – they stink. The air conditioning is turned up so high that you can’t sleep because of the cold. Inmates try and shove the air vents full of toilet paper to stop the air coming out, but it doesn’t work.  “Lindsay would lie there shivering all night, crying and trying to cover her face with her hands. Her wailing was keeping everyone awake.” 
UHHH HELLO?  IT’S JAIL.  IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PLEASANT IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE AWEFUL SO YOU DON’T RECOMMIT THE OFFENCES YOU WERE PUT IN THERE FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.  WAHHHHHHH

Darth Vader – Bad-ass in any Galaxy

In honor of the recent San Diego Comic-con I present this.
Apparently times are tough over in the Galactic Empire.  Seems like benevolent Sith Lord Darth Vader was caught on Bank surveillance camera brandishing a handgun and made off with an undetermined amount of cash in a daylight robbery that can only be described as “epic”.  According to witness who was there at the time “I thought it was pretty comical, but I guess this guy was pretty serious about needing some money,” Michael Aloisio, who works at a nearby restaurant and saw the bandit run past, told the New York Post.
“It was pretty crazy. He had the whole outfit on,” added Louie Lin, who works at a Chinese restaurant in the shopping centre where the bank is located and saw the robber.  
What I wanna know is why Ol Vader traded in his lightsaber “an elegant weapon, of a more civilized age” for a simple handgun.  Maybe he had to sell it for asthma medication?  Moisturizer for the Emperor? Tie Fighter Fuel.  Whatever the reason Vader is still a bad-ass
Little known Fact…He Also enjoys the occasional BBQ in the summer

High Ho…High Ho…off to Jail for LiLo

Well today is the day…Ms Lohan made that walk of shame right into custody of the prison system.  I guess she lost another lawyer..you know..the guy who convinced 12 people that O.J. Simpson DIDN’T Kill his wife and her lover.  I guess he quit because she ditched her sober living facility.  Too funny..hours away from jail and she still can’t just do one simple thing.  This is why I have a problem with these celebs.  It’s their sense of fucking entitlement.  Unbelievable.  She’s in tears in court when she’s told that she’s going to jail and then ditches her Sober living facility to, if I had to guess, have one final night of partying out with her skanky celeb friends. 
Anyone else in the world would have gone to jail long before this.  Ol’ lindsay is pretty lucky and should count her blessings that she is famous.  Because if she was merely a civilian, she would already have gone to jail at least a couple of times already for her past probation violations.
Well…see ya in 90 Days, or however many days you end up serving Lindsay..we’ll miss ya
Oh and by the way…when you tap into it, you can be so talented and flat out hot…please…learn from jail…and come out better and get back to work and turning out stuff like this..
 

Mad Mel Part Two – Told ya so

I knew it, I knew it I knew it.
Ok here’s the latest on the whole Mel Gibson leaked recording fiasco that has been on every entertainment program every day for the last year, at least it feels like it.
So the latest is apparently that Mel’s Ex wife Robyn is saying that Mel was never like that with her and she stands by him.  Also Gibson’s lawyers are saying that there is hard evidence that exists that Oksana tried to extort 10 million simolians from Mel.  Also there is a picture that was “leaked” to Radar Online (translation, she thought she wasn’t getting the attention that she wanted to she sent it to the media, but is denying it) of Oksana with broken teeth that looks more like a dentist’s before picture than a photo of an abuse victim. Looks to me like I see a little hint of a smile, abuse victims don’t smile for photographs.  but People who are about to get their gnarly teeth fixed by a Beverly Hills Cosmetic Dentist do. Very Suspicious to me.check it out

You can also check out this GREAT ARTICLE that has a very similar take on the whole thing. So I guess we’ll see how this whole thing will unfold over the coming days, weeks, months.I still stand by my “she’s a lying moneygrabbing whorebag who is just trying to make a name for herself by smearing and creating audio evidence of abuse by Mel Gibson.  I will be laughing so hard when this she-devil gets arrested for extortion and it’s discovered she engineered the entire thing.  Can you say HOAX

There Can Be Only One…GEEKY DAD That is

Click on the following Link to read about 19 Facts You May Not Have Known About the Star Wars Universe

Now I don’t know if I should be worried or not, but I knew every one of these before I read them. At very least, it’s Proof positive I am the one, the only
GEEKY DAD
I also Highly recommend Toy Story 3…but also, and possibly even more so,  the Pixar Short “Night & Day” before the feature.  Absolutely BRILLIANT!!  
 Happy Weekend Everyone!

Mad Mel Beyond Blunder-dome

Let me start with a disclaimer – I do not condone violence towards women or even mistreating them.  I’m happily married and love my wife and daughter dearly.  And I believe that any sort of conflict where the child is caught in the middle is a shame
NOW
Ok…I know by now you’ve all heard the audio tape recording of Mel Gibson If not you can hear some of it HERE (or a very good sound alike, lets be real first off…there is no real proof that it’s him at this point) going absolutly bat shit crazy on the phone with his new ex.  In it you hear him berate her, verbally abuse her and all but admit he has hit her in the past.  I know it’s wrong to yell at women and hit women and abuse women especially the one you’re married to or at very least shacked up with.  It’s apparent that Mel has quite the temper as seen with his previous arrest and other run ins the media have had with him in the past.  But this tape is highly suspect for me.  First off, we only know one side of the story.  Women can be vicious, sneaky, flat out creatures (where I work is hugely female dominated, trust me…I know what I’m talking about), and we really don’t know what she’s put him thru the days, weeks months prior to this taped conversation.  It’s possible that it’s all true, he’s an abusive ass.  But think of the alternative.  What if she’s just some money grubbing gold digger that only got together with Mel for his money.  It’s possible.  She does have a child with Timothy Dalton (…Bond…the worst Bond) and it was stated on one news program I saw, she has a history of dating men only for their money.
The fact that she taped this conversation and it “leaked” to the media is also suspect (she’s denying she was the one…uhhhhh right).  Sounds to me like she wanted him to get caught and have his career ruined…or at very least have ammo for the custody battle these two are embroiled in., I mean that would be kinda stupid..she’s be better of him having a very good career to keep those child support cheques coming in so she can keep getting her brow lifts and collagen lip injections…I know you’re thinking it..I’m just saying it.  I have no proof of any of this of course…I’m just doing what I tend to do, think of the alternatives and possible scenarios.  For all we know she pushed and pushed and pushed and Mel finally snapped..and there she was, ready with her tape recorder to record probably one of the worst days of Ol Willy Wallace’s life.  
As usual the media will sensationalize this and Mel will probably never recover…Pitty…the man is a real talent, when he’s not drunkinly spouting anti-semetic sentiments while being arrested by police for DUI that is.  Bottom Line, as Billy Joel once said ” You’re only Human, You’re gonna make your share of mistakes” Aaaan backup singers (only human…ooooh oooh)